How should I greet a nun or priest in public, without invading their privacy?

Sister Maxine  
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We have a second question here.

Sister Shannon  
I'm smiling because it's such an interesting question, Max.

Sister Maxine  
Isn't it?

Sister Shannon  
Yeah.

Sister Maxine  
From Paula in Germany. And Paula says, "Thank You, holy sister." I think she must be talking to you, Shannon.

Sister Shannon  
I don't know!

Sister Maxine  
She says, "I am a newish Catholic. I cannot find advice online for this. If I pass an unknown nun or priest on the street, how do I acknowledge their religious office without invading their space? Do I bow, greet them, cross myself, or what? Thank you so much for your instruction."

Sister Shannon  
This question tickled me a little bit because, of course, the culture of the United States and the culture of Germany is somewhat different. In our country, you don't see as many sisters, for example, in religious habits, so it would be a little more difficult to recognize that you are passing an unknown sister, or priest, for that matter, unless they're wearing their Roman collar. And yet, I have always found--I don't know about you, Maxine. Maybe it takes one to know one--I can pick a sister out of a crowd.

Sister Maxine  
Yes.

Sister Shannon  
Often the haircut and, very frequently, the shoes. But it's an interesting question. There was a time, I think, in our church hierarchy that it was really important that a priest or a sister or brother be raised up on a pedestal and recognized for their choice in life, for their sacrifice. But I think we've come to a deeper realization that the gift of God is part of all of us, and that every human person demands respect from each other. All of us must recognize God present in one another. So I don't think it's really necessary to cross yourself or to bow, though I told Sister Maxine, she could try doing that with me. And we were just teasing about it--I know this is a serious question for you. But I think it's important for you to recognize the respect that you give to all human persons.

Sister Maxine  
And I so appreciate the question too, because of wanting to be sensitive, to not invade one's spaces, we would want to be sensitive always to one another. And, Paula, I think it's probably important, maybe this will be helpful: there are other roles in society--and I'll use examples from the US--that we might acknowledge. Like, we might, when we pass a doctor in a hospital, say, "Hello, doctor," or a judge, or like Shannon, a professor. And those are acknowledgments for a role, for a title, a job. Religious life, being a Catholic sister, is not a job. And so I think that's a helpful distinction. It's a lifestyle. It's a life form. And not one that necessarily comes with a title that needs to be acknowledged.

Sister Shannon  
A few years ago, in my teaching I had a student from Lebanon. He was a Muslim student. And I thought, out of respect for him and his tradition, that I should learn the traditional greeting that Muslims give to one another: As-salaam alaikum. And the response: Wa-alaikum-salaam. And I learned it so that I could show that respect to him when he came into my class. And it wasn't a lifestyle I was acknowledging as much as I was acknowledging his faith and his cultural tradition. And it seemed to be an important moment for me. And so I do that now, when I'm in the grocery store--I can't always pick out a gentleman that is Muslim, but I can usually recognize a woman if she's wearing a head covering. So I will greet them with As-salaam alaikum and a response. It's a way of honoring God. That's what you really honor in that phrase. I think there's a way--my dad would tip his hat when he saw religious or go by a church. A nod is a way to greet and demonstrate respect and identity. And yet the religious person probably doesn't expect you to go beyond that, just to acknowledge their presence.

Sister Maxine  
You mentioned passing by a church A lot of people will make the sign of the cross when doing that. And Paula's a newish Catholic. For people who may not be familiar with what the sign of the cross is, sometimes you'll see, like if you watch baseball games, you'll see people make the sign of the cross before they go up to bat, which I always find interesting. Basically, you'll see the hand motion on to the forehead--in the name of the Father--and then to the chest--and the son--and then the left shoulder and the right shoulder--the Holy Spirit. And so you'll see sometimes when people walk by a church, they'll make the sign of the cross. We often begin our prayers with the sign of the cross. There are other occasions we make the sign of the cross, but I don't think any religious or priest would expect to see the sign of the cross in passing them in the street.

Sister Shannon  
Probably not. The sign of the cross has really become for us, as Catholics, a way to remind ourselves of our baptismal commitment. It's why as we enter into a church, we have holy water fonts--well, we haven't during COVID. But as soon as they're back, and it's safe for us to be dipping our hands into the same bowl of water, we bless ourselves with the holy water to remind ourselves that we are children of God under the sign of the cross. That's how we are reborn. And so I think any Christian person would recognize that sign.

Sister Maxine  
Now Paula has asked about how you greet a priest or a sister in public--for example, when you see him on the street. But let's talk about the other side of that. Let's say you meet someone in private and you realize they're a sister. I know from personal experience, that can be sort of an awkward moment. People are like, "Do I call her Sister Max? Do I call her Max? What do I do here?" And oftentimes, for me, what I'll do is--recognizing that that can sometimes be an awkward moment, and depends on the setting to--I may just say, "Just call me Max." You know, if I'm in a more formal setting, where let's say, I've been invited to do a presentation because I am a sister, it's a little bit different. But normally, it's okay, Paula, like in those situations, if you would just say, "How would you like me to address you?" if you're unsure, because it's better than that awkwardness.

Sister Shannon  
And once you have a relationship with somebody, I think things change there. I used to notice that my mom and dad, of course, they just called me by my first name, but when they introduced me to someone new, it was always, "This is our daughter, Sister Shannon." That was important to them, number one, but I think it was a sign of respect that they were hoping that person would offer in return. So it's kind of an interesting thing, how we do that.

Sister Maxine  
And so there's no one kind of pat answer for some of that.

Sister Shannon  
It makes me think of when I was studying for my PhD and my brother, my oldest brother, asked me, "Why are you doing that?" And I said, "So you have to call me Doctor." It has not worked yet.

Sister Maxine  
Nice try. Was it worth getting a PhD for?

Sister Shannon  
There were other reasons for that. It was a good line to offer my brother.

Sister Maxine  
Yes. So Paula, again, thank you for the question. And thanks for the sensitivity, asking about invasion of space. You know, I think the more courteous in this world that we are, and the more sensitive we are to one another, the better life is. Blessings, Paula, and again, thanks for the question.

Sister Shannon  
We'll keep you in prayer as you continue to develop in your Catholic faith.

Sister Maxine  
That's right. That's a wonderful, wonderful addition.

Sister Shannon  
Welcome to the family.

Sister Maxine  
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This transcript has been lightly edited for readability.